Dear Chris
by soph1173
Summary: On the day of his birthday, Carole writes a letter to her first husband.


**A/N: I know Finn's dad was cremated, but for the purpose of this fic, we'll pretend he was buried. **

Carole Hudson sighed. Sunday again. That day of the week where everything seems worse. She hated Sundays, they were so depressing. The fact that it was cloudy didn't help. And the fact that today would've been _his_ birthday made a lump in her throat.

She woke up early, the fear of this day hunting her the entire week. Burt was still asleep and so were the kids. She walked to the kitchen and made some coffee for everyone. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a notebook and pen on top of it. Carole looked at it for a couple of minutes. Should she? Would it make her feel better? _It's not gonna kill you to at least try…_ she thought to herself. She took a deep breath and started writing down:

_Dear Chris,_

_I hate it when this day arrives. It makes me feel so empty… You would've turned 45 today… Do you remember how we always talked about your 45th birthday? You always said you were going to throw a big party… Inviting everyone from the army and bringing your entire family from around the country. Yeah… I still remember it._

_Sometimes it hurts looking at Finn… he's you. He's 100% you. In both looks and personality. You would be so proud of him, Chris. So proud. We're doing fine, by the way… I got married to a great man. He has a kid, too. We had a rocky start, but things eventually turned out great. I love Burt. I love him with all my heart… But you were my first love, Chris. That's hard to let go… I miss our conversations and the way you smelled and our little things and… I miss you. So. Much._

_I hope wherever you are you're doing good… We talk a lot about you, Finn and I. We were such a little family for so long that sometimes being in such a big house is kind of too much for us, so, from time to time, we go to the park or the movies or somewhere, just the two of us, and we talk and talk. About you, about us, he tells me about his girlfriend, I tell him about my job… he's such a nice kid (and I'm not just saying it because I'm his mom…) Kurt (Burt's kid) is a great boy, too. He had such a hard past, but he's so brave. He faces everything and everyone. He deals with everything he has to deal with. He'll go places. I'm sure of that._

_It's hard being someone's second wife, you know? Sometimes, when I'm a little down, I can't stop feeling that every single thing I do is compared with- No, you know what? Ignore me._

_You'd like Burt. He's a great man and a terrific father for both Kurt and Finn. He loves sports and owns a garage. He's a mechanic. He considers you a hero (his words, not mine –although you're my hero, too). You gave me the most important thing in my life seventeen years ago, Christopher, and just for that I will always be thankful. I don't know if I would be with Burt if you hadn't… gone. Stupid war. But one thing I know, though. I will never, ever, forget you. I swear. Sometimes, when Finn laughs out loud, I still have to think twice before realizing it's him and not you._

_I'm gonna go now… I have to make breakfast for three very hungry guys. Take care of us, yes? You're always in our minds._

_Love you forever,_

_Carole._

When Carole finished writing, she folded the paper and stared at it for a couple of minutes. As if on cue, she started hearing Finn laughing loudly . Then she heard Kurt and after that Burt join the boys. Carole smiled to herself at the three men of her (current) life laughing together at something.

"What's wrong, Carole?" Kurt asked when he saw his step-mom looking sadly at the piece of paper.

"Yeah, mom, you ok?" Finn asked worried, walking right behind him, his smile fading at the sight of his mom.

"Yeah, boys, I'm fine" she said trying to sound convincing. "I'll be right back. Breakfast's done"

"Carole…" Burt trailed off, but he was ignored by Carole who walked away and got into her car.

A couple of minutes later Carole was in front of Christopher Hudson's grave. She kissed the folded piece of paper and kissed it, looking sadly at the tombstone. "Happy Birthday, Chris…" she said softly, before putting the letter under a rock as a protection from the wind. "See you soon".

She turned around and started walking to her car when she saw a familiar figure "Kurt, what are you doing here?" a surprised tone on her voice. Kurt shrugged "I'm just… being there for my step-mom on a difficult day for her…" he replied shyly. Carole smiled at him and sniffled back some tears. "Come on…" she said clearing her throat and hugging him by his shoulders. "Let's go home."


End file.
